Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
