Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
