It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
