Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You took a bar mat shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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