I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
And then he peed in my hair
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