I will die if light touches me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future