He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
What a dumb baby whore.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So much puke
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."