Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I spit up blood this morning
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.