Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything