Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo