dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?