you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
