a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
