Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
