i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
