Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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