one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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