Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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