I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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