4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
