6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
