you inspire me to be a worse person
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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