I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
