YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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