I wannas sexs uuuuu
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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