Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
