I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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