She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
