my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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