she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
