Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
