let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
