After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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