the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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