we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
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I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
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Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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