You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
