so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the condom got lost in my hair
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
