Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
