I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
