So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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