If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
