My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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