the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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