Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
