our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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