I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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