i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
