Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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