your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
