remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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