I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize