It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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