she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
God I need to hump something, right now.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
