Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
