I must be too annoying 4 u.
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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