so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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