My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
