I accidentally had phone sex last night
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
