Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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