does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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