I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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