No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
