If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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